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Cute chick in blue bikini gets boned in public bathroom

Just because you think they?re all out to get you, doesn?t mean its not true.

Two young starlets are discussing the sessions they have just had with the movie producer. "Did he give you a good part?" asks one. "No he did not!" replies the other. "Why he made me such a ridiculous offer, I just laughed right in his balls."

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24 hours in a day. 24 cans in a tray of beer. Coincidence?

An old indian was feeling out of sorts one day so he went to the medicine man to get some help. After a short discussion it was determined that the man's problem was that he had never had sex. So he goes to the local cathouse steps up to the madam and says "Have wampum, want woman!" The madam soon finds out he's never had a woman and tells him he must get some experience first and then come back. So the old indian goes back to the medicine man for advice. and is told to go into the forest and find a tree with a knothole and practice on it. A few days later the man goes back to the cathouse and says "Got wampum want woman!" This time he tells the madam that he has experience. He goes up to the room, and a short while later an attractive girl comes into the the room and lies down. He says "Get up!" She does. He reaches under the bed and pulls out one of the wood slats from under the frame, and hits her hard across the ass with it. She screems, "What the hell are you doing you pervert!!" He replies, "Checkum for bees!!". He had indeed gotten experience.

Vampires are a pain in the neck.

A Polack has always been envious of a friend's ability to pick up girls at the beach. So one day, he asks how. The friend tells him "I just stick a potato in my swimsuit. The women go crazy for it." So the polack tries it. A few days later he sees his friend at the beach and has bad news. "That potato trick doesn't work at all. Women just go out of their way to avoid me these days." The friend says "well, wear the potato in front next time. Tah, rah, rah, boom-bee-ayee, Have you had yours today? I got mine yesterday, With the guy across the way He paid me ninety cents To go behind the fence He pulled my panties down And laid me on the ground He shouted, "one, two, three," And stuck it into me, Won't mommy be surprised, When she sees my tummy rise!

Prevent hangovers - stay drunk.

Having taken a few too many at a hotel dance, a pretty young thing in Cheyenne dashed out of doors, fainted, and fell over a trash barrel. A young man saw her, picked her up and carried her up to his room. The next morning he wired his partner in Denver. "CLOSE OFFICE, SELL EVERYTHING COME TO WYOMING. THEY THROW AWAY BETTER STUFF HERE THAN YOU CAN BUY IN COLORADO!"

Jesus is coming! Quick! Look busy!

A GUY WALKS INTO THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE AND TELLS THE DOCTOR THAT HIS ELBOW HURTS. THE DOCTOR TELLS HIM TO GO INTO THE BATHROOM AND CATCH A SAMPLE OF URINE AS HE JUST BOUGHT A NEW COMPUTER THAT CAN ANALYZE THE SAMPLE AND TELL HIM EVERYTHING THAT IS WRONG WITH THE MAN. THE MAN TELLS THE DOCTOR THAT HE HAS JUST PISSED AND DOESN'T HAVE ANY LEFT, SO THE DOCTOR TELLS HIM TO TAKE THE BOTTLE HOME AND BTING IT BACK LATER. AS THE MAN DRIVES HOME, HE GETS A BRAINSTORM. ONCE HOME HE TELLS HIS WIFE TO PEE INTO THE BOTTLE AND THEN TELLS HIS DAUGHTER TO DO THE SAME. LATER, WHILE WALKING THE DOG, HE CATCHES SOME OF THE DOGS PISS ALSO. JUST BEFORE TAKING THE SAMPLE BACK TO THE DOCTOR, HE BEATS OFF INTO THE BOTTLE. THE DOCTOR RUNS THE SAMPLE THROUGH THE COMPUTER AND RETURNS TO THELL THE MAN THAT HE HAS SOME MAJOR PROBLMS. THE MAN SAYS 'BUT JUST MY ELBOW HURTS!'. THE DOCTOR SAYS 'WELL, THAT'S JUST TENNIS ELBOW. BUT THE OTHER PROBLEMS ARE BAD. FIRST, YOUR WIFE HAS VD, SECOND, YOUR DAUGHTER IS PREGNANT AND THIRD, YOUR DOG HAS DISTEMPER.' WOW, THE MAN EXCLAIMS, BUT WHAT ABOUT MY ELBOW? THE DOCTOR RETORTED: QUIT BEATING OFF AND YOUR TENNIS ELBOW WILL HEAL!!!

Examinations - nature?s laxatives.

THE BUISNESSMAN TOOK THE YOUNG SECRETARY TO A MOTEL ROOM. THE girl SEEMED SHY AND INEXPERIENCED, SO THE MAN DECIDED HE WOULD BE HER TUTOR IN THE ARTS OF LOVE. HE BEGAN BY RUNNING HIS HANDS OVER HER CHEST. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M DOING? HE ASKED? NO SHE REPLIED... I'M FONDLING YOUR BREASTS. THEN HE MOVED HIS HAND DOWN TO THE SOFT V BETWEEN HER LEGS AND ASKED. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M DOING NOW? WHEN SHE REPLIED, NO, HE EXPLAINED HHE WAS CARESSING HER CLITORIS. THE HE BECAME SO AROUSED THAT HE SPREAD HER LEGS AND THRUST HIS PINIS INTO HER. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M DOING NOW? HE PANTED... YES SHE RESPONDED COOLY. YOU'RE CATCHING HERPES......

An old indian was feeling out of sorts one day so he went to the medicine man to get some help. After a short discussion it was determined that the man's problem was that he had never had sex. So he goes to the local cathouse steps up to the madam and says "Have wampum, want woman!" The madam soon finds out he's never had a woman and tells him he must get some experience first and then come back. So the old indian goes back to the medicine man for advice. and is told to go into the forest and find a tree with a knothole and practice on it. A few days later the man goes back to the cathouse and says "Got wampum want woman!" This time he tells the madam that he has experience. He goes up to the room, and a short while later an attractive girl comes into the the room and lies down. He says "Get up!" She does. He reaches under the bed and pulls out one of the wood slats from under the frame, and hits her hard across the ass with it. She screems, "What the hell are you doing you pervert!!" He replies, "Checkum for bees!!". He had indeed gotten experience.

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